Depression Is

Depression not wanting to get off the bus when it pulls up at your stop.

Depression is swinging between starving and stuffing yourself.

Depression is taking an hour to convince yourself to shower, then not wanting to get out of the cocoon of the warm water.

Depression is having to wait to stop crying so you can put eyeliner on.

Depression is staring out of a window at a square of sky without moving for hours at a time.

Depression is smiling and laughing with your friends, then falling apart at home.

Depression is standing in your hall watching your door get further away while you wait for a taxi you hope will never show up.

Depression is crying at the happy people in sitcoms.

Depression is being unable to tolerate silence.

Depression is hours spent staring at your ceiling in the dark.

Depression is sleeping because it’s easier than coping.

Depression is a sinking feeling when the alarm wakes you up.

Depression is knowing this action will hurt you, but doing it anyway.

Depression is thinking about every mistake you’ve ever made, over and over again.

Depression is feeling blank when you should feel…something.

Depression is being unable to orgasm.

Depression is being unable to say a single word to anyone.

Depression is needing company but wanting to be alone.

Depression is the empty feeling in your stomach.

Depression is the noise in your head that never ends.

Depression is the feeling of being so far behind that you will never catch up.

Depression is not washing, not eating, not dressing.

Depression is hiding behind bright lipstick.

 

Depression is being overwhelmed by how underwhelming life is.

Depression is obsessive exercise.

Depression is watching nothing but children’s films for months.

 

Depression is jealousy, anger, fear, frustration, boredom, envy, lust, hate, pain.

 

Depression is numb.

Depression is obsessively learning everything about one fact so you have something to talk about.

Depression is sad music and black clothes.

Depression is pop music and novelty skirts.

Depression is scars on your arms.

Depression is posting perfect photos on Instagram.

Depression is fighting strangers on Twitter.

Depression is lashing out.

Depression is swallowing your feelings.

Depression is fighting hard to keep your head above water.

Depression is giving up.

Depression is a late night phone call to a friend to talk about the weather.

Depression is therapy.

Depression is medicated.

Depression is going it alone.

Depression is longing to be loved.

Depression is a seat in a park where you can see the world you don’t feel a part of.

Depression is gay, straight, asexual, single, married.

Depression is in the board room, in prison, on the TV, on stage, going shopping, walking the dog, selling food, buying cars, telling jokes, having babies, falling in love, having sex, writing books, committing suicide.

Depression is everywhere.

Depression is invisible.

Depression is not a stereotype.

This was an automatic writing exercise inspired by the posts I saw from many talented writers on World Mental Health Day. I wrote for two minutes without stopping and only edited afterwards to make sure everything was spelt correctly.


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